The Tower of Babbling
At this point, everyone in the world spoke the same language, because there had only been a handful of generations since Noah. 2 For some reason, everyone decided to go east and live in a field in Shinar even though they had already gone off to populate different regions of the Earth.
3 One day, everyone got together and said to each other, ‘Come, let us make bricks and bake them thoroughly,’ which is a weird thing for everyone to randomly decide to do.
But one man in the crowd was unaffected by whatever weird trance the rest were in, and he asked, ‘Why are we making bricks, exactly?’
4 And they replied, ‘Come, let us build ourselves a city, and a really high tower that reaches up to the sky!’
‘Why would we want to do that?’
And the people replied, ‘Meh, there’s nothing else to do.’
5 Meanwhile, the Lord was watching from Heaven, and he was growing concerned. Even though he knew that people would one day venture into space without encountering Heaven, this tower made by primitive people scared him.
6 ‘Shit!’ he exclaimed. ‘If they manage to reach Heaven, they’ll tread mud all over my floors, and come touching things with their sticky little fingers. If only they didn’t speak the same language…’
7 So, the Lord sent down a flock of his most vicious angels to confound the people’s language by ripping out their tongues. Pretty soon, the place was a mess. There was blood and severed tongues everywhere. The people were all rolling around on the ground babbling incoherently.
8 Hearing the noise, the Lord became angry.
‘Never send an angel to do a god’s job,’ he mused.
So, the Lord reached down from Heaven started to flick people like ants, scattering them around the Earth. 9 And that’s why the city was called Babble (though not by the tongueless people who built it).