The Tower of Babbling
At this point in Earth’s history, everyone in the world spoke the same language; probably because there had only been a handful of generations since Noah. They had also spread all across the globe.
2 One day, a trance fell upon them, and they all decided to go east and live in a field in Shinar. In their zombie state, they said to each other, ‘Come, let us make bricks and bake them thoroughly.’
One man, however, was unaffected by the trance. Confused by this sudden urge to make bricks, he asked, ‘Why are we making bricks, exactly?’
4 And everyone replied, ‘Come, let us build ourselves a city, and a really high tower that reaches up to the sky!’
‘Why would we want to do that?’ screamed the man.
But the zombified people ignored him, and continued making bricks and building them into a tower.
5 Meanwhile, the Lord was watching from Heaven, and he was growing concerned. Even though he knew that people would one day venture into space without encountering Heaven, this tower made by primitive people scared him.
6 ‘Shit!’ he exclaimed. ‘If they manage to reach Heaven, they’ll tread mud all over my floors, and come touching things with their sticky little fingers. If only they didn’t speak the same language…’
7 So, the Lord sent down a flock of his most vicious angels to confound the people’s language by ripping out their tongues. ‘That’ll confound the bastards!’ he said to himself.
Soon, Shinar was a mess of blood and severed tongues, and the people were rolling around on the ground babbling incoherently.
For a while, this was enough to stifle their building, but when the people recovered, they went straight back to work on the tower. 8 When the Lord saw that the people had gone back to building, he became angry. He reached down from Heaven, and began to flick the people like ants, scattering them around the Earth.
9 And that’s why the city was called Babble (though not by the tongueless people who built it).