MisreadBible

MisreadBible

For I read the Bible through a lens, squinting - 1 Corinthians 13:12
Gospels > The Nativity

Pregnancy Loves Company

Luke 1

39 Mary went to visit her cousin Elizabeth in the hill country of Judea. 40 She ran to her and greeted her with a hug. 41 The baby in Elizabeth’s womb was so delighted to be hugged that it leapt for joy.

42 Elizabeth exclaimed, ‘I think last night’s sushi is repeating on me!’

43 ‘No, it’s a blessing!’ cried Mary.

44 ‘I guess we’re both blessed,’ replied Elizabeth looking at Mary’s belly. 45 ‘Anyway, what are you doing here?’

‘Well,’ replied Mary, pulling her suitcase forwards. ‘I was thinking I could come and stay with you.’

‘That’s rather presumptuous.’

‘Aww, come on!’ whinged Mary. ‘I’ll sing you a song.’

‘Erm…’

46 And Mary sang:

47

‘I’m so happy,

Feeling kinda sappy.

48

Got a bun in the oven, and it came from God.

Don’t know why he chose me,

49

But everyone who knows me

Thinks this occurrence is a little bit odd.

50

‘See, I was a virgin

Despite Joseph’s urging.

51

Never gave a blowjob or even touched a cock.

But God came upon me,

52

I’m gonna be a mommy.

Left Joseph jerking off into an old sports sock.

53

‘He thought I had been cheating;

I could’ve got a beating,

54

And Joseph told me that he wasn’t impressed.

He was feeling sad he

55

Was not my baby daddy,

But an angel told Joseph that I had been blessed.’

‘Okay, okay,’ laughed Elizabeth. ‘You can stay.’

56 So, Mary stayed with her for three months.


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