Day 17 on the Ark - MisreadBible

Day 17 on the Ark

Well, today has just been shit. One of the velociraptors escaped its enclosure, and it’s eaten a good proportion of the animals on the dinosaur deck. So many species going extinct at once; what are the odds? I sent Shem and Japheth in there armed with slingshots (I really wish we had some more advanced weaponry), and eventually they managed to subdue the beast, but not without killing it. Honestly, I’m starting to think that there will be no dinosaurs left on the planet when this whole thing is done.

So, we had to repair a load of enclosures and make sure they were all secure before we sent the women in to clean up all the blood. My wife has been nagging me over it. She told me, ‘Phineas’s wife never made her clean up dinosaur blood.’ Yeah, well Phineas is dead now!

Anyway, we just got done with the whole dinosaur debacle when Ham told me that we’ve got no more unicorn meat left, and we’re going to have to slaughter the other one. I’m not keen on eating unicorn meat to begin with, because it causes the whole family to fart these coloured bands of light for which we have no name. I suppose it’s better than having nothing to eat, though, and I did get to use the horn of the last one as a handy coat hook.

I think maybe I could take some of this in my stride if I could just get some fucking sleep. Where the fuck is God?

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