For I read the Bible through a lens, squinting - 1 Corinthians 13:12


Jesus Christ is a man who stands accused of crimes he didn’t commit. He finds himself betrayed by one of his closest friends. He knows he’s going to be arrested, he knows he’s going to be tried, and he knows he’s going to be nailed to a large lowercase T. Could this be the end Jesus’s story...? No, he comes back at the end because he’s magical.

Plots and Perfume - Jesus tells his disciples he's going to die, the priests plot against him, and some woman pours balm on his head.

The Passover of the Christ - With Jesus's impending death, he and the disciples decide to celebrate one last Passover Seder.

Tootsies - Knowing that the hour of his death is at hand, Jesus decides to do the one thing he can do: wash his disciples' feet!

Take This Cup - Jesus and the disciples head to Gethsemane where he begs for his life.

The Kiss of Death - Jesus is betrayed by Judas and arrested by a mob of priests.

Blasphemy! - Jesus is tried before the Sanhedrin and accused of blasphemy.

Judas is Well-hung - Wracked with guilt, Judas returns his ill-got money and decides to commit suicide.

Pilate's Court - Jesus is tried before Governor Pontius Pilate where the people are real, the cases are real, and the ruling is final!

Rode to Golgotha - Pilate announces that a prisoner will be released. Unfortunately, the people ask for a notorious child murdering granny rapist called Barabbas to be freed. Jesus is humiliated.

Jesus Gets Nailed! - Jesus is brought to Calvary to be crucified along with a couple of other criminals.

Nobody There - When the women go to anoint Jesus's body, they find the tomb empty, but this doesn't stop Jesus from making an appearance.

Sweet Zombie Jesus! - After Jesus's resurrection, he tracks down his disciples... with terrifying results!

E.T. the Extra-biblical Tale - In stark contradiction to 'Sweet Zombie Jesus!' here's Luke's take on the resurrection.

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