MisreadBible

The Carpet Shop

Man walks into a carpet shop.

Customer: I’d like a rough shag, please.

Owner: I’m sorry, sir, this is a carpet shop. You should try the brothel down the road.

Customer: I’m talking about fucking carpets!

Owner: That’s a bit weird, sir. But if you buy one, you can do as you like with it.

Customer: What kind of piles do you have?

Owner: That’s a very personal question, sir! That’s between me and my proctologist!

Customer: No, I mean how they feel.

Owner: They’re really uncomfortable to be perfectly honest, sir. I have to sit on a special cushion!

Customer: Ergh… can you cut a rug?

Owner: With these piles?! I can barely fucking walk!

Customer: Look, I just want to buy a carpet with a rough shag!

Owner: We don’t accept sex in payment. You’ll have to use money like everyone else!

Customer, walking out: Forget it! Your mind’s in the gutter. Jesus, you really need to get laid…

Owner: No, no, sir, it’s the carpets that get laid.

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